Erma Bombeck said that she and her husband tried to take separate vacations but it didn’t work because the children always found them.
A boss I used to have at the YMCA in Dallas, Texas had six boys. He used to tell me, “I can remember the days when I was studying sociology in college. I had no children and six theories on how to raise kids; now I have six children and no theories.”
I am often asked the question, “When is a child no longer under the responsibility of obedience?” It may be somewhat like the question, “When am I old enough to get married?” That answer is, “When you are mature enough to be financially, emotionally and physically independent of your parents.” If you did move out from under a responsibility of obedience, you would still be under some responsibility of counsel, and you are always under the responsibility of honoring your father and your mother.
Ephesians 6:2-3 says, “Honour thy father and mother; which is the first commandment with promise. That it may be well with thee, and thou mayest live long on the earth.” And then the responsibility of the fathers is given in verse 4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.” 2 Tim 3:6-17(NIV). The word for “instruction” is found only in Paul (and Hebrews); it is translated “nurture” in Eph 6:4. In Heb 12:5,7-8,11 it is rendered “chastening.” 17. The “training”is obviously preventative and the “instruction” (discipline) is corrective. Dads, you are primarily responsible to set the pace spiritually. Howard Hendricks says that the phrase “Go ask your mother” is the “Reverse Standard Version” of the Bible.
One psychologist says that he asked something like 1000 parents, “What do you believe in?” and their answer was, ‘We believe in our children.” Now at first blush that sounds very good, but when you deify your children, that is a huge responsibility for your children.
Look at Some Minuses:
1. Actions Minus Purpose = Apathy
Have a purpose for what you want them to do. I like Dr. Henry Brandt’s statement, “Don’t lose the game in the last two minutes.” Many parents give up in those teen years.
2. Teaching Minus Practicing = Disrespect
1. Model the lifestyle you want them to have.
2. Provide an example by trying to communicate to them a desire to study the Word of God.
3. Provide an example by showing them that you enjoy going to church.
Many times young people ask. “Do you think it’s right for my parents to force me to go to church?” Erma Bombeck’s answer was “We give them a choice – after they are there they can choose whether they like it or not.”
4. Provide a model of apology and forgiveness.
5. Provide a model in attitudes (Houseclean your attitudes)
3. Rules Minus A Relationship = Rebellion.
Do not get into the trap of “quality” versus “quantity” time. Quantity will have a way of breeding quality, if you are willing to spend quantity time.
4. Privileges Minus Responsibility = Immaturity.
May I suggest, Dad, that you take your daughter on her first date at thirteen, and Mom, take your son on his first date at thirteen. We did that with our children and had a great time. Talk about some of the things they are going to face as they are teenagers and let them know that each year there will be a new widened ring of freedom and with it will be more responsibilities. Now, if in that year they do not take the responsibility commensurate to the freedom, then the next year there is no widening of that ring of freedom. Teach them that the two go together and only as they show responsibility will you widen the ring of freedom. (Responsibility is the learning of resourcefulness.)
1. Responsibilities for finances.
2. Responsibilities for church attendance.
3. Responsibilities for helping.
5. Prohibiting Minus Providing = Perversity
As a general rule we ought not prohibit unless we can provide alternatives.
TEACH SOME POSITIVES
1. Love plus sex = babies.
They need to learn that actions have consequences. God forgives sin, but the consequences often remain.
2. The world belongs to the disciplined.
This is a paraphrase of Matthew 5:5. The person who disciplines his/her emotions, thoughts and actions can do almost anything.
3. Service is the path down to greatness. (Phil. 2:1-11)
4. Submission to authority is the gate to the road of happiness.
5. Freedom is the opportunity for self-discipline.
6. Standing alone is the proof of fellowship with Christ.
Standing against peer pressure for what one knows is right.
7. The disciplines of holiness are the only secrets of the victorious Christian life and of the free, contented life.
You don’t find happiness looking for it – you stumble over it on the road of the will of God.
8. You never find in sin that for which you entered the sin to find
9. Jesus did not come to make us comfortable; He came
